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(I love Pinterest, but it's hard to find the proper people to credit for the images. I got this one here: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/422634746254246039/)
I have seen a common emotion over my years as a therapist: Fear. Ugh. Just reading it make you feel yucky, doesn't it? There are plenty of things to fear in life, and sometimes I think we could all spend eternity compiling the list. But one I notice in particular: people often fear I can't help them. Let me reassure you; this is never the case - and I don't use the word 'never' lightly. Do we sometimes have to go to Plan B? Sure. Do I sometimes refer people to colleagues who have more training or expertise on the area that you want to discuss? Absolutely. But there is always something we can do to help your situation.
Usually it boils down to one question: what are you willing to do differently? If you are willing to consider doing something differently in your life, if you are willing to think outside of your usual 'box', if you are willing to take on some 'homework'...then don't fear. There are plenty of letters in the alphabet. Together, we can find the right one. -
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Have you found yourself in a place where you are temporarily alone for a while? Take a few minutes to watch this YouTube video. No, seriously. I think you'll get something out of it. You'll be glad you did. -
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Allowances are a common topic in my work with parents and children. To give or not to give - that is the question!
I have a few thoughts on the idea of an allowance. I think allowances are important because this is the first opportunity for children to use the concepts associated with simple money management. We are hearing more and more about children leaving high school and not possessing vital knowledge they need to understand how to properly handle money. This starts early! I recommend an amount of money that is workable for your family budget, and that is neither too small to purchase anything nor too big to purchase everything! Something in the middle. Then work on the concept of budgeting. It is vital that the parent stick to the schedule arranged for the disbursement of the allowance. Don't fall into the trap of forgetting. This will undermine the skill you are trying to teach. Consistency is key! You want to save a percentage, spend a percentage and give a percentage to charity.
Invariable, your child will want more money. Don't we all? This is where the second step comes in: jobs. I love the chart above that I found on Pinterest. Being able to visually see the money will entice your little worker into wanting to the job attached. Prior to beginning the job, outline the expectations for the job, and what the job should look like when it's completed. This will handle the problem of the child returning two minutes later to ask for the money.
One benefit of giving allowance - - when the child has his or her own money, it drastically cuts down on whining and begging at the store. Tell the child that they can use their own money to buy a luxury item that is not on your shopping list. This will cause the child to stop and think about how badly they really want the item. Perfect!
Are there ever times when a chore should be done without payment? Absolutely! I refer to these as chores we do just because we are in a family, and part of a community. You don't get paid for every contribution you make for the good of the group. These types of 'freebies' should be finished before the child has the option to make money from 'extra chores'.
Instead of looking at giving allowances as a chore, look at it as a great opportunity to teach a vital life skill.
Interested in reading more? Click here for a great post that will give you more great ideas and information.
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Holy cow, June really flew by! I've been busy this month with lots of exciting things, like attending the American School Counselor Association Convention. There I met up with some folks I haven't talked with in a while...The Trevor Project (click here).
I feel passionate about the Trevor Project and it's goals - they provide crisis support and suicide prevention to LGBT youth in America. You may know that young people of varying sexual orientations are often at risk for self- harm, due to isolation and social stigma. The Trevor Project provides support, and even has links to crisis chat rooms and a phone number. Whether you know it or not, you probably know a young person who is struggling with issues of sexuality. The Trevor Project is a great resource at just the right time.
