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Hello again! It's been a great summer full of inspiration and connections. I'll also admit that I've been hanging out a bit on Pinterest, and found this thought provoking post I thought I'd share with you. First let me say that I am pretty sure that "today'd" is not a word. And yes, I might have edited some of the grammatical structures of the sentences. But other than that, I think they are pretty thought provoking. So take a few minutes and mull over one or two...or more. You might be surprised at some of your answers!
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Let's face it, connecting with kids can be hard. But it's do-able! One suggestion: don't try and reinvent the wheel! There are easier ways to find ways to get kids to open up and find out a little bit more about what they're about. One game that can be a great way to break down walls is called, "Beat the Parents". Kids and parents challenge each other to see who knows who better. How fun is that? Let's not forget another classic for those with a tough stomach: the game, Would you Rather...? A word of advice - go through the cards first and pull out the ones that may be less appropriate, depending on the age of your child. One of my absolute favorite for older kids is the book: Talk With Your KIds: Conversations About Ethics-- Honesty, Friendship, Sensitivity, Fairness, Individuality, and 103 Other Things That Really Matter. This is a great little book of scenarios to discuss with your middle schooler or high school student. Plus, its easy to find on Amazon. Hang in there. If you are interested in more ways to connect with your child, just give me a call!
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I love this image. It's a great reminder that sometimes all we need is a fresh perspective. Have you had the same issue or obstacle dogging you for a while? Do you feel like you keep struggling with the same issue and it never improves - or worse, it's getting worse? Sometimes all it takes is a new point of view to tackle that problem. What would your life be like if you were not struggling? Can you image in it? I can, and you can get there!
I love this image. It's a great reminder that sometimes all we need is a fresh perspective. Have you had the same issue or obstacle dogging you for a while? Do you feel like you keep struggling with the same issue and it never improves - or worse, it's getting worse? Sometimes all it takes is a new point of view to tackle that problem. What would your life be like if you were not struggling? Can you image in it? I can, and you can get there!
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Let's talk for a minute about believing in our kids. I'm not talking about the kind of believing where you tell them they are the best on the soccer team, or that they were the prettiest one at the dance. I hate to break it to you, but kids always see through this. They think it makes us less credible as parents and then they worry about what else we are 'lying' about. I'm talking about the kind of believing where you believe that a child has a path; a destiny that is theirs on their own right. Sometimes this can be scary for parents. Usually this happens when we are wanting them to be something or someone for us. We need to let go and believe that they can be something for themselves. That's when the real magic happens.
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Sometimes people will say to me, "Ugh. I don't know how you can listen to people's problems all day long." But I have a secret. The secret is that I have learned more from my clients than they have learned from me. That I am inspired by their stories of strength and courage. That I have seen so many times the ability of the human spirit to rebound from suffering and pain and hardship that it has emblazoned in me an irreplaceable belief in the resiliency and strength of the human spirit. My career has blessed me with being able to meet the most amazing people. Come and talk with me. I have a feeling you will are one of those people, too.
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(I love Pinterest, but it's hard to find the proper people to credit for the images. I got this one here: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/422634746254246039/)
I have seen a common emotion over my years as a therapist: Fear. Ugh. Just reading it make you feel yucky, doesn't it? There are plenty of things to fear in life, and sometimes I think we could all spend eternity compiling the list. But one I notice in particular: people often fear I can't help them. Let me reassure you; this is never the case - and I don't use the word 'never' lightly. Do we sometimes have to go to Plan B? Sure. Do I sometimes refer people to colleagues who have more training or expertise on the area that you want to discuss? Absolutely. But there is always something we can do to help your situation.
Usually it boils down to one question: what are you willing to do differently? If you are willing to consider doing something differently in your life, if you are willing to think outside of your usual 'box', if you are willing to take on some 'homework'...then don't fear. There are plenty of letters in the alphabet. Together, we can find the right one.
I have seen a common emotion over my years as a therapist: Fear. Ugh. Just reading it make you feel yucky, doesn't it? There are plenty of things to fear in life, and sometimes I think we could all spend eternity compiling the list. But one I notice in particular: people often fear I can't help them. Let me reassure you; this is never the case - and I don't use the word 'never' lightly. Do we sometimes have to go to Plan B? Sure. Do I sometimes refer people to colleagues who have more training or expertise on the area that you want to discuss? Absolutely. But there is always something we can do to help your situation.
Usually it boils down to one question: what are you willing to do differently? If you are willing to consider doing something differently in your life, if you are willing to think outside of your usual 'box', if you are willing to take on some 'homework'...then don't fear. There are plenty of letters in the alphabet. Together, we can find the right one.
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Have you found yourself in a place where you are temporarily alone for a while? Take a few minutes to watch this YouTube video. No, seriously. I think you'll get something out of it. You'll be glad you did.
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Allowances are a common topic in my work with parents and children. To give or not to give - that is the question!
I have a few thoughts on the idea of an allowance. I think allowances are important because this is the first opportunity for children to use the concepts associated with simple money management. We are hearing more and more about children leaving high school and not possessing vital knowledge they need to understand how to properly handle money. This starts early! I recommend an amount of money that is workable for your family budget, and that is neither too small to purchase anything nor too big to purchase everything! Something in the middle. Then work on the concept of budgeting. It is vital that the parent stick to the schedule arranged for the disbursement of the allowance. Don't fall into the trap of forgetting. This will undermine the skill you are trying to teach. Consistency is key! You want to save a percentage, spend a percentage and give a percentage to charity.
Invariable, your child will want more money. Don't we all? This is where the second step comes in: jobs. I love the chart above that I found on Pinterest. Being able to visually see the money will entice your little worker into wanting to the job attached. Prior to beginning the job, outline the expectations for the job, and what the job should look like when it's completed. This will handle the problem of the child returning two minutes later to ask for the money.
One benefit of giving allowance - - when the child has his or her own money, it drastically cuts down on whining and begging at the store. Tell the child that they can use their own money to buy a luxury item that is not on your shopping list. This will cause the child to stop and think about how badly they really want the item. Perfect!
Are there ever times when a chore should be done without payment? Absolutely! I refer to these as chores we do just because we are in a family, and part of a community. You don't get paid for every contribution you make for the good of the group. These types of 'freebies' should be finished before the child has the option to make money from 'extra chores'.
Instead of looking at giving allowances as a chore, look at it as a great opportunity to teach a vital life skill.
Interested in reading more? Click here for a great post that will give you more great ideas and information.
I have a few thoughts on the idea of an allowance. I think allowances are important because this is the first opportunity for children to use the concepts associated with simple money management. We are hearing more and more about children leaving high school and not possessing vital knowledge they need to understand how to properly handle money. This starts early! I recommend an amount of money that is workable for your family budget, and that is neither too small to purchase anything nor too big to purchase everything! Something in the middle. Then work on the concept of budgeting. It is vital that the parent stick to the schedule arranged for the disbursement of the allowance. Don't fall into the trap of forgetting. This will undermine the skill you are trying to teach. Consistency is key! You want to save a percentage, spend a percentage and give a percentage to charity.
Invariable, your child will want more money. Don't we all? This is where the second step comes in: jobs. I love the chart above that I found on Pinterest. Being able to visually see the money will entice your little worker into wanting to the job attached. Prior to beginning the job, outline the expectations for the job, and what the job should look like when it's completed. This will handle the problem of the child returning two minutes later to ask for the money.
One benefit of giving allowance - - when the child has his or her own money, it drastically cuts down on whining and begging at the store. Tell the child that they can use their own money to buy a luxury item that is not on your shopping list. This will cause the child to stop and think about how badly they really want the item. Perfect!
Are there ever times when a chore should be done without payment? Absolutely! I refer to these as chores we do just because we are in a family, and part of a community. You don't get paid for every contribution you make for the good of the group. These types of 'freebies' should be finished before the child has the option to make money from 'extra chores'.
Instead of looking at giving allowances as a chore, look at it as a great opportunity to teach a vital life skill.
Interested in reading more? Click here for a great post that will give you more great ideas and information.
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