"How we remember, and what we remember, and why we remember form the most personal map of our individuality." Christina Baldwin, writer
Do you have a family album full of pictures like these? Perhaps you do. I know I do. Frequently clients will come to me with feelings of frustration about, well, memories. They don't understand why members of their family have differing recollections of events, and why their own memories may not correlate with those of their siblings or parents. The answer is complicated, yet simple. Each member of a family has their own recollection, their own perception, of events within the family. Sometimes this leads to further frustration - who is right? The answer is: no one. That's right. It is generally not possible to have one single collective memory of an event. Think about a car accident, or other scene witnessed by many people. Recollections differ. The string if events changes based on what the person brings to the table in terms of his or her own personality, as well as what they actually witness from their vantage point. That family road trip? The recollections will differ based on what seat you had in that station wagon. I remind parents all the time - each child will have a different recollection of life within your family. Why? Because each child is different and therefore experiences their parent(s), and their childhood, in a different way. Your memories are your memories. Your siblings memories are theirs. What interests me is, as Christina Baldwin writes, why your memories are what they are. What does it mean to you and your development as a person? Something to consider the next time you're browsing through the family album.
Do you have a family album full of pictures like these? Perhaps you do. I know I do. Frequently clients will come to me with feelings of frustration about, well, memories. They don't understand why members of their family have differing recollections of events, and why their own memories may not correlate with those of their siblings or parents. The answer is complicated, yet simple. Each member of a family has their own recollection, their own perception, of events within the family. Sometimes this leads to further frustration - who is right? The answer is: no one. That's right. It is generally not possible to have one single collective memory of an event. Think about a car accident, or other scene witnessed by many people. Recollections differ. The string if events changes based on what the person brings to the table in terms of his or her own personality, as well as what they actually witness from their vantage point. That family road trip? The recollections will differ based on what seat you had in that station wagon. I remind parents all the time - each child will have a different recollection of life within your family. Why? Because each child is different and therefore experiences their parent(s), and their childhood, in a different way. Your memories are your memories. Your siblings memories are theirs. What interests me is, as Christina Baldwin writes, why your memories are what they are. What does it mean to you and your development as a person? Something to consider the next time you're browsing through the family album.