When you have more than one child in your family, there is bound to be some conflict. You may be familiar with the authors Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. They have published several great books, one entitled: “Siblings Without Rivalry; How to Help Your Children Live Together so You Can Live Too.” I highly recommend it. Hearing a situation where adult intervention may be needed? Try this!
Step One: Acknowledge the Anger
“You two sound mad at each other!”
Step Two: Reflect each child’s point of view.
"So Sara, you want to keep holding the puppy, because he’s just settled down in your arms. And you Billy, feel you’re entitled to a turn, too.”
Step 3: Describe the problem with respect.
“That’s a tough one: Two children and only one puppy.”
Step 4: Express confidence in the children’s ability to find their own solution.
"I have confidence that you two can work out a solution that’s fair to each of you...and fair to the puppy.”
Step 5: Leave the room
This can be trickiest part! We want to stay and work the problem out for them, but this ultimatley deprives the child of developing their own problem solving skills.
Siblings are the first people with whom we learn to interact, get our needs met and love. Putting the time and effort into making sure its a positive relationship is well worth it!
Step One: Acknowledge the Anger
“You two sound mad at each other!”
Step Two: Reflect each child’s point of view.
"So Sara, you want to keep holding the puppy, because he’s just settled down in your arms. And you Billy, feel you’re entitled to a turn, too.”
Step 3: Describe the problem with respect.
“That’s a tough one: Two children and only one puppy.”
Step 4: Express confidence in the children’s ability to find their own solution.
"I have confidence that you two can work out a solution that’s fair to each of you...and fair to the puppy.”
Step 5: Leave the room
This can be trickiest part! We want to stay and work the problem out for them, but this ultimatley deprives the child of developing their own problem solving skills.
Siblings are the first people with whom we learn to interact, get our needs met and love. Putting the time and effort into making sure its a positive relationship is well worth it!