Holy cow, June really flew by! I've been busy this month with lots of exciting things, like attending the American School Counselor Association Convention. There I met up with some folks I haven't talked with in a while...The Trevor Project (click here). I feel passionate about the Trevor Project and it's goals - they provide crisis support and suicide prevention to LGBT youth in America. You may know that young people of varying sexual orientations are often at risk for self- harm, due to isolation and social stigma. The Trevor Project provides support, and even has links to crisis chat rooms and a phone number. Whether you know it or not, you probably know a young person who is struggling with issues of sexuality. The Trevor Project is a great resource at just the right time.
How can counseling or therapy help you recover? A therapist is trained in grief and grieving. He or she is also trained to provide you with strategize and techniques to help ease the transition in your life. In extreme cases, a therapist can assist with trauma associated with the death. Remember that children, even infants, experience grief as well. When considering what is best for your family, don’t forget that the smallest members need help processing the event as well. The loss of a loved one does not have to remain painful for life. Don’t forget there are people who care and understand. They are waiting for you today. “Grief does not change you…it reveals you.” John Green When you have more than one child in your family, there is bound to be some conflict. You may be familiar with the authors Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. They have published several great books, one entitled: “Siblings Without Rivalry; How to Help Your Children Live Together so You Can Live Too.” I highly recommend it. Hearing a situation where adult intervention may be needed? Try this! Step One: Acknowledge the Anger “You two sound mad at each other!” Step Two: Reflect each child’s point of view. "So Sara, you want to keep holding the puppy, because he’s just settled down in your arms. And you Billy, feel you’re entitled to a turn, too.” Step 3: Describe the problem with respect. “That’s a tough one: Two children and only one puppy.” Step 4: Express confidence in the children’s ability to find their own solution. "I have confidence that you two can work out a solution that’s fair to each of you...and fair to the puppy.” Step 5: Leave the room This can be trickiest part! We want to stay and work the problem out for them, but this ultimatley deprives the child of developing their own problem solving skills. Siblings are the first people with whom we learn to interact, get our needs met and love. Putting the time and effort into making sure its a positive relationship is well worth it! Frequently, potential clients will call me somewhat mystified. They tell me that their friend/relative/physician/ coworker has recommended CBT. "Can you do that?" they ask quizzically. Let me fill you in on a secret - CBT is not nearly as mysterious as it sounds. CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Dr. Aaron Beck founded CBT in the early 1960s, and it has proven to be an extremely effective form of psychotherapy. CBT is, to put it simply, the belief that our thoughts influence our feelings and behaviors. Sounds pretty simple, right? Sort of. It gets a little bit more complicated. Take a look at the image below. Could it really be that simple? Well, it does get a little more complicated. It actually is more like this: So what can you expect from CBT, or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? You'll be talking a lot about your thoughts and how those thoughts influence your feelings and behaviors. The great news is that by examining your thinking, which is often automatic, we can alter and change our feelings and behavior. The other good news is that CBT is very systematic and goal oriented. You'll have plenty of 'homework', and, if done properly, you will notice changes in a relatively short period of time.
Does CBT work for children? Absolutely! CBT is known to be an effective treatment for adults and children alike, for a broad spectrum of mental health issues. Do I use a CBT method of psychotherapy? I do. I find it to be extremely effective, and many clients experience improvement in a relatively short period of time. Talk to a professional about whether CBT might be right for you! "How we remember, and what we remember, and why we remember form the most personal map of our individuality." Christina Baldwin, writer Do you have a family album full of pictures like these? Perhaps you do. I know I do. Frequently clients will come to me with feelings of frustration about, well, memories. They don't understand why members of their family have differing recollections of events, and why their own memories may not correlate with those of their siblings or parents. The answer is complicated, yet simple. Each member of a family has their own recollection, their own perception, of events within the family. Sometimes this leads to further frustration - who is right? The answer is: no one. That's right. It is generally not possible to have one single collective memory of an event. Think about a car accident, or other scene witnessed by many people. Recollections differ. The string if events changes based on what the person brings to the table in terms of his or her own personality, as well as what they actually witness from their vantage point. That family road trip? The recollections will differ based on what seat you had in that station wagon. I remind parents all the time - each child will have a different recollection of life within your family. Why? Because each child is different and therefore experiences their parent(s), and their childhood, in a different way. Your memories are your memories. Your siblings memories are theirs. What interests me is, as Christina Baldwin writes, why your memories are what they are. What does it mean to you and your development as a person? Something to consider the next time you're browsing through the family album. A question I am frequently asked is, “How do I know if my child needs therapy?” Here are some guidelines that you can use to help with that decision. *You have that feeling that something ‘just isn’t right’. *You have concerns about your child’s social and emotional development. *You may observe your child interacting with peers and notice strong differences. *Your child has recently displayed behavior at school that warranted a phone call home. There is an underlying pattern to the behavior that you can’t seem to ‘fix’. *Your family has undergone a trauma such as a death in the family, a job loss or divorce. Your child seems to have ‘changed’ since the event and is reluctant to discuss his/her feelings with you. *Your child seems angry and unhappy much of the time. *The counselor at your child’s school has recommended that you seek outside therapy for your child. *How about teens? Parents of teens know the feeling of looking at the closed bedroom door and wondering if they really know what’s going on behind it. They will frequently call and say, “I think I know everything that’s going on, but I just want to make sure.” Teens are tricky in the best of times. Many perfectly typical teens are surly, resistant to help and can backtalk with the best of them. Often it takes a professional to sort out whether there is actually something to worry about. Teens can also benefit from therapy if they are struggling with issues surrounding graduation, and the loss of their ‘highschool’ self. Anxieties can also creep up surrounding going to college or work; another stressful time in one’s life. Still not sure? Call a therapist and ask. Most will offer you a brief phone consultation free of charge. Explain the situation and get their expert opinion. You’ll be glad you did! |